Marian

      So cold,so cold today! Jeez!  What goin' on? It's that global warrin' stuff they're talkin' about on the news alla time at the Center. That's what it is! That global warrin' stuff, Marian mumbled to her self as she placed her large light blue straw hat on her head, just so.  She had a date to meet at the Center for the $1.50  lunch, and wanted to look the best she could.  So she took all the time she needed to make sure the favorite hat was at just the right angle to frame her face, and cover the bare spot in the wig she had chosen for this special occasion.
      Manny may not be much, she thought to herself, but beggars cannot be choosers! And she laughed loudly out loud to no one in particular, since she was alone in her SRO little cubby of an apartment.  It was that same laugh that so startled passersby whenever her internal dialogs got a little too much to contain, as she strolled along the streets of San Francisco, from one appointment to another.  She knew exactly why she was laughing - there was, after all, so much to laugh about - but no one else would have a clue, so the sharp and loud laughter would often startle people walking near her.  Sometimes, she noticed their feet even slightly left the ground, they were so surprised.  This made her laugh even more, though she'd try to tone it down, so they wouldn't know that she knew. That she saw what fools they were.  Marian had little patience for fools.
      Marian lived in that comfortable world of her own pretty much all the time now, though she would every so often peek out of it and engage in the world around her when something interesting caught her eye or her ear. In the case of Manny , however, it was his smell that caught her nose.  He had doused himself heavily with a mens cologne that had piqued her memory and her curiosity, so she opened the rest of her solitary senses to him, just long enough to chat, make a date for today and give her the energy to plan for it it.  She was hoping that by spending more time with him, she'd be able to remember what his fragrance reminded her of, and she hoped he would wear the same cologne today.  It was just at the tip of her memory, but just wouldn't come clear. Today she hoped it would. It's why she allowed herself the rare indulgence of making the lunch date with Manny in the first place. She needed to remember.
      Marian looked at herself in the spotty, freckled mirror and gave herself tacit approval: the hat was just right. Wrong season, this light blue straw, she assessed, but winter in San Francisco is like Spring anyway, so what the hell? She gave a fleeting thought to the hundreds of homeless out there on there on the streets who came to San Francisco for the weather, and for a moment felt the age-old resentment she'd always felt about people taking advantage. Damn fools oughtta get jobs, that's what they need to do! But then she reminded herself of her need to have compassion for those less fortunate, and her resentment faded away. Marian was once upon a time an ardent follower of the Dharma Path, and even at this time in her disheveled life, her practice could penetrate her usual fog and influence her thinking.  She added an extra dab of lip color from the tube she'd found in the trash can outside her back door the day before, blessed her good fortune having found it, and picked up her bags. Don't want to be late! For my very important date!  For a moment, Marian totally forgot what she was doing, where she was going and why - this happened often to her, many times a day - but suddenly clicked back into knowing, and with a sigh of relief left her apartment, carefully locking the poor excuse for a lock behind her. Never can be too careful!


      She'd counted out her two dollars for the bus the night before, from her plastic Tupperware container under her bed, and vowing to replenish the eight quarters as soon as she could, she tied them in one of her mother's pretty hankies and slept with them under her pillow. They were now sitting securely in the corner of her large shopping bag, so she knew exactly how to find them when the bus rolled up. She could walk to the Center, but on this windy cold day did not want her wig to look bad , so she decided to take the bus instead.  It would also be easier on her legs. Not doin' too good these days these old pins. Hell of a city to end up in, with bad feet and legs. Marian had stopped climbing the hills of the city a while back.  And made sure her routes to the various food kitchens she frequented were on as much of the flat part of this city famous for its hills as she possibly could.  Hell of a thing, she thought.

      Standing at the bus stop on Van Ness, Marian was grateful when one of those little folding seats became vacant , and though she felt her large rear end overflowing the small seat, and her dress being too tight into the bargain, she was glad for the chance to sit.  Kids in San Francisco are so nice here, she thought, and once again blessed her good fortune at making this city her home. Back in the Apple I'd be standin' til I dropped dead!  Yeah, the kids are nice here. Actually, the young woman who left  the seat free was trying to get as far away from Marian as she could, as if the "bag-lady look" Marian sported was a communicable disease.  But, Marian, looking through her customary rose-colored glasses, saw only the up side: this thoughtful young person was offering her a chance to rest.  Something about "the kindness of strangers" passed through Marian's mind. A retired actress, Marian had played all the great Tennessee Williams roles, among others, and the many scripts she'd memorized were as much a part of her mental landscape as anything else.
      Marian's bright orange lips were sticky with the old make-up, and her eyebrows, thickly drawn in, were slightly above where any normal brows would be. Her light blue polyester straw hat , with its extremely large curvy brim was perched atop her wigged head like a bird in flight, but nonetheless secure there. Her handsome face, with its large brown eyes, was pink with a favorite rouge, and her false teeth, a bit too large for her mouth, were clean and sparkling. She always saw to that.  The blue flowered rayon dress, tight across her breasts and stomach, encased her thickening legs and hips in far too little cloth to keep the wind out, but her full slip and two pairs of panty hose helped keep her warm. She'd been able to find two pairs of hose that had runs in different places, so she was grateful for that too. So much to be grateful for, really, Marian thought, as the bus pulled up to the stop. Oh, that's the nice lady driver! Oh goody! And Marian knew her two dollars were safe for another day: this driver never made her pay.  She flashed the woman at the wheel a large smile with her clean bright plastic teeth. And received a smile in return, as the driver place her small dark hand over the cash box, letting Marian sit for free.  This really is the best place to live!  I am so lucky! And she placed herself carefully in the one empty seat remaining between two elderly passengers.

      Suddenly, Marina felt a slight pinch in her toes. Aw, hell! Damned flip-flops! I knew I should 'a worn real shoes!  Marian considered her feet and toes one of her best features, despite the pain they brought her, so for this special date, she'd opted to wear her favorite summertime flip-flops, the ones with the sparkly blue thongs that went between her toes.  She loved wearing these in the summer time, and they matched her dress perfectly. The problem of course were the two pairs of panty hose she'd had to wear for warmth: cramming the sparkly thongs between her big toe and her second toe on each foot,  against the very resistant netting of two pairs of pantyhose was difficult, but by letting the panty part of the rigging come down perilously low on her hips, she managed to get the flip-flops on firmly between the toes, at last!  Now, however, not only were the toes protesting (she probably should have cut her toenails first), but her panty hose were in grave danger of falling all the way down below her ankles when she finally had to stand up.
      Damn! Aw well, I'll worry about that when we get there. Right now, I've got a seat, and I'll ignore the pinching. I've felt worse, God knows!  And she gave a little chuckle. Marian had the marvelous ability to be in the moments of her life, and ignore whatever unpleasantness tried to push its way in. So, she placed a pleasant smile on her painted face, tilted her head back so her fine profile was framed well against the pale blue straw, and looked forward through the wide front windows of the city bus.  Her lunch date awaited, come falling panty hose or no, and she looked forward to remembering what his cologne reminded her of:  a mystery, and a good warm meal lay ahead.